Poor Bloc-head Duceppe; he must think that he’s the Count of Monte Cristo, locked up against his will in the dungeon of Canada. It behooved the exasperated blue blood to zing off distress messages (without the bottles) to 1,600 decision-makers and elected officials in the U.S., Central and South America, Europe and Asia.
The letters, all to taxpayers’ account, printed on House of Commons stationary featuring Canada's coat of arms, said, "Everything indicates that, in the next few years, the question of Quebec's sovereignty will once again be put to the people,"
Meanwhile, Ile-Bizarro’s own version of Marie Antoinette, perilous Pauline Marois, bleeps something about English language rights that goes like this: “It is not acceptable to send this message, that it is possible to have free choice." Nice. Let the English eat cake.

Yes, I know it is old news, as caustic as the rest of the separatists’ cirque de sommeil but it does inspire “brave” Canadians in other provinces like Alberta to write letters from the safety of their own enclaves demanding that Canada have a referendum and ask if we want Quebec to remain in Canada.

That view is just as ignorant; it is what the separatists want very badly: confrontation, rejection by Canadians, seemingly tangible proof that Quebec is the poor little Oliver Twist that must beg for its porridge.

Let’s call such a Canadian referendumb Plan B. It won’t work. Quebecers will ignore any result yes or no..

I have a foolproof Plan C, third time’s the charm. The solution is to hit the whiners where it hurts…play their game….threaten to take property away from them.

I will need a little history to explain:

The Province of Quebec was founded in 1763, consisting of an area along the banks of the Saint Lawrence River. The Quebec Act of 1774 gave Great Lakes and Ohio RiverValley regions to the province.
In 1870, Canada purchased Rupert's Land from the Hudson's Bay Company. Over the next few decades the Parliament of Canada transferred portions of this territory to Quebec that more than tripled the size of the province. In 1898, Parliament passed the first Quebec Boundary Extension Act expanding the provincial boundaries northward. This was followed by the addition of the District of Ungava through the Quebec Boundaries Extension Act of 1912 that added the northernmost lands to create the modern Province of Quebec.
Get the picture? The original Quebec is a sliver of land compared to what it is today. The difference is Canadian benevolence.
So here is Plan C:
Ottawa stages its own referendum but it is directed only at Montrealers. We ask the question: Do you want to be a Canadian province with full transfer payment benefits, separate from Quebec?
No more language police, just an economic engine/island that flourishes with its considerable industrial tax base, unfettered by nationalist fat cats, free of the threatening gasbags who have only brought us down since 1976. The separatists will gripe no doubt over such a question, but they’re spoiled and have no hand in the final analysis.
Message to BQists and PQists: Don’t like it? Write letters to The Hague’s international court. One thing: Use your own stationary and pay for your own stamps since you are so independent.

Here are the other pluses of a Montreal province:

* Mayor Tremblay is no more along with his dragging anvil of agglomeration

* Per capita, with Ottawa transfer payments, we would be one of the richest provinces in the country, no longer supporting a majority of idle ruralists
* The PQ and BQ would vanish (along with their stupid pensions which we would abolish) because historically, what is left of Quebec belongs to Canada (as donated.) We would put that on legal paper as well.
* We get to pick a capital for the Province of Montreal; my choice is Pointe Claire but I am willing to negotiate.
* We give Laval an option to join us, but they can’t be the capital.
* Since Prince Edward Island will inevitably disappear due to the rising oceans of global warming, we offer to take in the 140,00 Anne of Green Gables obsessed refugees.
Which begs the question: If an island of 140,000 people can be a province, why can’t Montreal with over two million people?

Problem solved.